my typing and editing job. Not that it has saved me much time; this new progeny of artificial intelligence is still in the infantile stage and I love the way she cuts wordy capers and messes around. We all love kids because they are so innocently spontaneous and their mistakes are more amusing than any scholarly dialogue with an academic. This kid of mine is insanely obedient and like today's generation of kids, she thrives on the internet! She won't work offline. Google has named it Google assistant. Such an apathetically lifeless name for such a lively creature! I never liked this label. I call her Googie. She is in the same class as Alexa or Cortana, but their schools are different ☺. As time progresses, speech-to-text technology will hit new frontiers, and improved versions of these assistants will be made available with improved maturity and upgraded intelligence. This thought makes me worried whenever I see Googie typing naughty sentences. Because, in future, I am going to miss this fun which accompanies my dictations. She is an accomplished punster. Given a chance in future, I would be content to have an old version of Googie, my invisible notepad assistant. I have noted down many such funny instances Googie tossed up while typing. Read on for what I intended to say and what Googie typed.
What I said - I downloaded an app for bed time stories.
What Googie typed - I downloaded an app for bad time stories.
Googie, story time is never a bad time. On the contrary, it improves the quality of sleep and dreams, both. 👩
What I said - Our bulldog swallowed a diamond ring. He needs a CT scan.
What Googie typed - Our bulldog swallowed a diamond ring. He needs a city scan.
Googie, don't worry. If nothing is found in city scan, we will go for a state scan. 👼
What I said - I will need another doctor to deal with this ailment.
What Googie typed - I will need another daughter to deal with this ailment.
Your task will be easier if your doctor regards you as her mother.😅
What I said - The blood showed no signs of clotting.
What Googie typed - The blood should know the science of clotting.
Googie, are you sure you are in the right vein? My blood runs cold whenever you say something offbeat like this. 😊
What I said - My pains worsen every monsoon.
What Googie typed - My paints worsen every monsoon.
Do you mean you turn red-blue with the pains every monsoon? 👸
What I said - The x-ray films of chocolate eaters show dental caries.
What Googie typed - The X-ray films of chocolate eaters show dental cherries.
Wow! Let's eat more chocolates. Cherries are natural teeth cleaners. 👸
What I said - He fell down from a tree at his ranch, crushing many of his bones.
What Googie typed - He fell down from a tree at his ranch, crushing many of his bonds.
Googie, that’s true in a sense. Let the bones be broken, the bond between you and me will never fracture. 😏
What I said - At 75, your vitamin D levels are low and you are not far from osteomalacia.
What Googie typed - At 75, your vitamin D levels are low and you are not far from Austria Malaysia.
You mean, those who plan to go to Austria and Malaysia, lose their vitamin D? 😲
What I said - The museum has an extensive collection of original arts and arts journals.
What Googie typed - The museum has an extensive collection of original hearts and hearts journals.
Googie, I wish to convey my arty compliments to the owner of this museum for his state-of-the-heart collection. Is anybody in his family a cardiac surgeon? 😲
What I said - This misfortune killed 112 people.
What Googie typed - This Miss Fortune killed 112 people.
Miss Fortune must have been either extremely wicked or exceptionally beautiful who killed those unfortunate 112. 🙈
What I said - The terrorist replied without uncovering.
What Googie typed - The terrorist replied without a covering.
Googie, terrorists prefer to be hidden behind a veil just like you, my sweet emulator! 😫
What I said - Whenever I see a rainbow, I remember Paul.
What Googie typed -Whenever I see a rainbow, I remember foul.
Googie, I have booked an appointment with a psychotherapist for you. The daily dose of 5 volt of current is probably not enough for you. 😔
What I said - Paul's mind is always curious about every new flower blooming in the garden.
What Googie typed - Police mind is always curious about every new flower blooming in the garden.
Googie, I have read so many books and have seen so many serials on TV. But, I have never seen a police officer who got hooked on a flower! 🙉
What I said - The hole was obliterated to block the frequent night visits by the mice into our kitchen.
What Googie typed - The whole was obliterated to block the frequent night visits by the mice into our kitchen.
Googie, don't be so listless towards our kitchen just because you never feel hungry and don't need food. You need not destroy the whole kitchen to get rid of mice. 🐭
What I said - Carole is coming home after 12 years. The moment I opened the door, I hugged her in my arms.
What Googie typed - Carole is coming home after 12 years. The moment I opened the door, I hanged her in my arms.
Googie, I feel sorry for you. You have no father, no mother, no brother and no sister to hug you. Come close and hug me. Learn to have tender feelings. It is the terrorists or the murderers we hang, not our own family members. 🙅
What I said - It was love at first sight.
What Googie typed - It was love at first site.
Googie, are you talking about my first website? Thank you so much. I have created it after so many hours of dedicated efforts. 😘
What I said - I knelt down at his holy feet.
What Googie typed - I nailed down at his holy feet.
Googie, don't create unnecessary emergencies. Father, forgive her, for she does not know what she is saying. 😯
What I said - What followed was an uncontrollable outburst of sobs.
What Googie typed - What followed was an uncontrollable outburst of shops.
Googie, we do not know anything about this technology yet. Do elaborate further if you know. But what follows now is an uncontrollable outbursts of chuckles. 😜
What I said - The princess awarded a sheath knife to her rescuer ceremoniously.
What Googie typed - The princess awarded a shit life to her rescuer ceremoniously.
Googie, I told you a story about how a native of the jungle saved the life of the princess when she was being kidnapped. Do you think she will award him with a shit life for this bravery? 👸
What I said - At 15000 feet, we were in the clouds and the nights were chilly and agonizing.
What Googie typed - At 15000 feet, we were in the clouds and the nights were chilly and organizing.
Yes, treks should be well organized or you become well agonized. 😰
What I said - He sank to his knees, frustrated, sobbing bitterly.
What Googie typed - He sank to his knees, frustrated, shopping a bit early.
I am sure, Googie, if the sobbing fellow reads your translation, he will be jiggling heartily instead of sobbing bitterly and he may go shopping a bit early. 😀
What I said - Our friend has reached Australia and he writes back.
What Googie typed - Our friend has reached Australia and he rides back.
Googie, my friend has gone to Australia to do a three-year Ph.D. course. Do you think traveling to and fro from Australia is a picnic? Do you have any objection if he stays there and uses Gmail? 😇
What I said – I met many doctors including many well-known neurologists.
What Googie typed - I made many doctors including many well-known neurologists.
Googie, it is the human brain who has created you and you boast of creating neurologists? Do you think making a neurologist is as easy as making a politician? 😎
What I said - Sitting on the other side of the globe, the doctor assured to heal me.
What Googie typed - Sitting on the other side of the globe, the doctor assured to kill me.
Now Googie, it seems that you don't do your homework properly. Ask Google whether a doctor is meant to heal you or kill you and refresh your lessons on semantics. 😵
What I said - Pleased with his penance, Lord Shiva offered to grant him a boon.
What Googie typed - Pleased with his penance, Lord Shiva offered to grant him a moon.
Do you think the moon is a beautiful toy to play with? You can call her a passing fancy if you get to handle her. 🌜
What I said - Use branded laptops always.
What Googie typed - Use brain dead laptops always.
Can you tell me in which compartment does the brain of a computer lie? And how will it work if it is dead? Googie, use your brain. You are capable of doing mammoth mathematical calculations in a second and now this! 🙇
What I said - I have a good collection of quotes by many eminent personalities.
What Googie typed - I have a good collection of coats by many eminent personalities.
Googie, do you mean to say that if you dress in somebody's coat, are you going to be as capable as they were? And what tactics did you apply to collect the coats from so many eminent personalities? They wouldn't even give me an autograph so easily, how could they give their coats to you? 😀
What I said - With every passing moment we are getting older.
What Googie typed - With every passing May 2nd we are getting older.
I know Googie, you are pound wise and penny foolish. No one can argue with you over this statement. 👩
Contd in Part - 2
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